Kristin - because you know that it is going to be (tick, tick, BOOM!) an explosive musical ~

Eric - ok...we totally forgot another HUGE ONE

Kristin - ohno

Eric - PORK n' BEANS girl...PORK AND BEANS!!!!!!!!

Kristin - 0 H . MY. GO D .

Eric - i know

Kristin - i'm gonna have to say a hail mary.

Eric - i'm going to have to do a rosery

Eric - and sprinkle some pork flavored holy water on myself and ask for forgiveness

Kristin - oh, shit.

Eric - i got it...the name of the musical girl

Eric - HOG WILD

Kristin - ohnoyoudidn'g

Kristin - sorry, didn't

Eric - it could work though

Kristin - it should definitely have an "! " at the end like "Oklahoma!"

Eric - you know what we need to do...is make up a name and come up with a song list and then email it to mcsweeney's as a "list"

Kristin - YES!

Kristin - we totally do.

Eric - you know that bitch would be put up

Kristin - i know it's true.

Kristin - prepare yourself. i'm working on a song list. you will not believe how much we've already come up with.

Eric - i can only imagine

Eric - OOHH...and the little subtitle of the musical could be.."lt'li bologna away"

Kristin - oh, i don't think you can

Eric - tell me right now

Kristin - here it comes.

Kristin - prepare yourself.

Eric - j'd do a search on google for "pork" but i'm afraid there would be too many porn sites

Kristin - Bits, bits, bacon bigs Snout, snout, gotta have snout

Chops, chops, poooooooork chops

Eat those knuckles if your horse's name is Buckles Rump, rump roast that butt Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

Always cracking...always smackin...pork, pork...some for eating, some for greasing Zooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

From pork buuuuuuuuuutt.:..to the bottom of the BEEEEEE-leeeeee

Sizzle, sizzle, watch that splatter Turn that sausage, get a platter!

Ham-hock, ham-hock, ham-hock

Ham bone, ham bone, where you been? Ears, ears, chew those lobes

Salami? Salami? Whose salami?

A pepperoni stick never makes you sick

Pork n' beans, pork n' beans

You know what that combo means

Eric - ok...let 'er go

Kristin - "that's a lot of balogna! "

Eric - oh good god

Eric - right now

Eric - that list

Kristin - i know, right?

Eric - i'l! be right back.J'm going to smoke these mothers

Kristin - me, too.

Kristin - i think the title should be "HOG WILD in the Tenderloin" we could set this mother in San Francisco

Kristin - tickle those short ribs

Kristin - i cannot get off this redeye gravy train to save my life

Kristin - on the redeye gravy train to mephis

Eric - oink! oink! ouch! (for a slaugher scene)

Eric - and "midnight at the piggly wiggly" (a la midnight at the oasis)

Kristin - thank you so much for that.

Eric - or "curly tail...curly tail...where do you come from" (a la bernice with "black man")

Kristin - YES!

Kristin - ijust wrote to chuck about it, and copied some of the pork stuff in there. you KNOW that mother will love that.

Eric - i just got your chuck story

Eric - i swear

Eric - outlook right now

Kristin - HELLO! how long did that mother take?

Eric - ugh

Eric - ohhh...another song girl

Kristin - okay. read it. you'll totally enjoy.

Eric - "ain't no slop in this trough"

Kristin - it could be to the tune of "ain't no mountain high enough", and the other verses could be "ain't no grease that's hot enough"/"ain't no chop that's thick enough"

Eric - crying girl...CRYING

Kristin - do you think n'sync would mind if we used the "i want my baby back" ditty?

Kristin - eh. i think we've got plenty of original material to go around

Kristin - feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

Eric - clip clop, clip clop...here come the hooves!

Eric - ssoooouuueeeeeee (sp?)

Kristin - i think that there are several accepted spellings for the hog-call noise

Kristin - we could do a big group number with the 4-H people and those FF A mothers. you know how they like to raise a

pig.

Kristin - 0 H N 0

Eric - what?

Kristin - MOO S HOO P ORK

Eric - oh see

Eric - Houston...we have now gone GLOBAL

Kristin - casing on the sausages / MOO! SHOO! PORK! (to the tune of "flies in the buttermilk, shoo

~ fly shoo")

Eric - ok whoa

Eric - geniuses girl...that�s what we are

Kristin - you don't have to tell me that

Eric - 4-H right now

Eric - just read chucks story

Eric - right now!

Kristin - i know.

Eric - i love the fact that he tosses his backpack over his shoulder with the straps cut off it

Kristin - that poor mother with the head injury trying to throw his backpack away

Kristin - MEE TOO!

Kristin - that's my favorite part of the whole thing. well, that, and when he tells them that bill clinton is president.

Eric - yeah

Eric - but the whole backpack thing just tore me up

Kristin - it's true.

Kristin - "chuck, your backpack."

Eric - just the thought of him throwing it over his shoulder and then the sound of it hitting the groud while he's still standing there not noticing

Kristin - i know. he's all "what about my backpack? oh. you mean the fact that it's on the ground."

Eric - i think the world might implode if we went out to san fran

Kristin - and, he lives in the tenderloin. it's fate, i'm telling you. FATE!

Eric - worlds are coliding as we type girl

Kristin - the planets are realigning, and the toilets are flushing in reverse

Eric - pretty soon i'll be talking backwards like the twin peaks midget

Kristin - o truffle seeker/o lard provider (to the tune of o sole mio)

Eric - we can get nathan lane to play one of the parts

Kristin - oh, true.

Eric - and ROSIE!

Eric - tell me right now if that mother doesn't like herself some ham with a bacon back

Kristin - remember when mom was telling the story about people bringing a food that starts with the first letter in their last name. first i said pickle (what was i thinking?) then i said pork.

Kristin - you tell me.

Kristin - ROSIE!

Eric - i know

Eric - rosie

Kristin - GLAZE A HAM*!

Eric - glaze a fucking ham that can be for the encore

Kristin - could there be anything better than a pork/toilet humor tie-in?

Kristin - yep

Eric - no, there really cannot be anything better

Kristin - and, we'll have it rain bacon bits on the audience instead of confetti (or similar).

Eric - we could have some opera singers doing some sort of medley while we have someone glaze a ham on stage

Eric - that's a sure way to fame

Eric - glaze a ham on stage

Kristin - if i'm not glazing a ham on stage RIGHT NOW, then i don't know what.

Kristin - sur la stage

Eric - on a platter

Stay tuned for the final installment...

* - glaze a ham = take a shit